Isaiah 41:10 says- Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Ok the problem is God, I am afraid. I am so afraid that I believe I am holding myself back by making excuse after excuse in my head about why I can't do what I feel you are calling me to do. One day, it's well I'll just wait till and found about this. Or it's well maybe if we did it this way it would be better, or maybe we should consider this first. But I think most of it's my pride that is getting in the way. Truth is I don't want to fail and I really don't want to fail you God.
You have given me this opportunity to live in Haiti, you sent me to this community over a year ago and you have gave me visions for it ever since. You have allowed me not just to go there on a Saturday morning to play with the kids and say I did my "good" deed for the week but you opened doors to homes of those families in which I play with those kids. Just last week you took me on my first journey of going around to 3 different homes and seeing where some of these kids come from. It amazes me how open they are to letting me see their homes. Two of the kids were so excited for me to see their homes, I don't think they stopped smiling. The last child well... you know Lord. I asked you for a sign that day to let me know that's where you really want me to be, though I know you've already sent me more than enough. Sometimes I just like that reassurance and well you gave it to me.
On this day you brought me to M's house. M who I see every Saturday and is always full of smiles seems like such a happy girl. You would think that life well is good. Though I am not sure what good is anymore. Anyways, M took me to her house and she opened a door to a building and I smiled and thought "Oh, what a cute room for a girl." It had a double bed and some cute pictures and décor hanging on the wall. That was her room. But wait sure it's her room, but it's also her 8 year old brother and 16 year old brothers room. Ok, so mom and dad's room must be at the front of the building. No. Dad has passed and mom has remarried and moved to the other side of Haiti with her new husband. At this point, I am so confused by the whole situation, that I am sure I asked way too many questions.
So here we have a 16 year old boy taking care of his 12 year old sister and 8 year old brother. The neighbors take turns cooking them food when they have extras and the last time they have seen mom was in January. Let me tell you, I don't think you can ever prepare yourself to see something like that firsthand. To know a child by their name and see them on a regular basis to then find out they have been abandoned. You hear about it, but to see it. There are no words, it took everything in me at the moment not to get down on my knees and weep and cry out to you Lord "Why?"
It has almost been a week and God you have been overflowing my heart with preparation and visions. Not only are preparing me but I can see you preparing Chris and the kids too. And I pray Lord that as I go back on Saturday and see the other children who are in the same situation in the same community that you let it sink deep within me. You have given me two words and remind me each day of them. FREEDOM REIGNS. And Lord, I pray that you remind each day as the time comes... Don't be afraid, for I am with you.