Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.  - Philippians 4:8

Last night I really just wanted to take some time and vent. I wanted to share about the pain and suffering I've been seeing and hearing these last few days. I wanted to just be mad and share it with you in hopes that maybe someone out there would feel anger too. But I had no power last night so I kept it to myself and said I'll do it tomorrow.  And I was about to do it again until I read the verse above and it completely changed my attitude towards what I've been feeling.

Yes, I'll share those moments with you, but I hope to share them in a way that doesn't come across negative but in a way that I and you can thank God for.

On Tuesdays I tutor our younger kids in our sponsorship program. Our tutor class is right in the community where our kids live and as I stood in the class waiting for our students I could hear screaming and my only thought was "Someone is not a happy camper." As norm for our younger kids we need to get them so off I went on a walk until I came to an abrupt stop from witnessing a child being disciplined.  My heart dropped as I realized where the screaming came from. Instantly my North American mind set kicked in and all I could do was walk away before I made a wrong choice. You see in Haiti,  physical discipline is completely normal. Yes,  I could have stopped it. But the thing is I wouldn't have just stopped it, I probably would have made it worse. I can't just show up and start telling these parents what is right and wrong. This was a teaching moment for me. I cannot educate these parents on other ways to discipline until I educate myself first on why they feel they need to do it that way. I am not going to accept it but I will not be that person who walks in and thinks I know all because I come from a different land. I took this as a teaching moment.

Tuesday is also a day for some of our older kids to get tutored. One of boys couldn't concentrate and was complaining of a headache until he just couldn't handle it anymore and tears flowed down his face. This was so unusual for him I thought.  I rubbed his back,  gave him some water and excused him from class.  He just sat outside and it hit me. He's hungry! We asked what he ate that day... nothing. It was already 3pm. What about Monday. ..nothing. Last meal he ate was on Sunday. Here I have a 11 year old who hasn't ate in two days. What was I to do? Obviously, get him food. I just happened to have uncooked rice in my truck.  So we filled a bowl and set him off home. I'm so thankful that these children are so honest with us. I'm thankful that in those moments God already has a plan set in place for when these times arrive.

Wednesday comes and off we go to our community.  We are visiting one of the families when these two little girls show up. Their hair is so yellow and hard and broken. We meet Leina Jules and her sister.We see the malnutrition.  We know that they need help. Mom and Dad are together and have three little girls but no jobs to provide for their family. Leina Jules should be in school, but she's not. We agreed that our organization would not take on any other sponsor children unless absolutely necessary. She is now a part of our program. We can't always help every need but we are so thankful that with the help of people like you, we can send these kids to school, feed them and help lift burdens from families.

Next we have one of our teenage sponsored girls with sores all over legs.  It painful just looking at them. I could just sit and be upset and sad that she has to deal with that while I lay in a bed right now. Yes it upsets me but I also am thankful that I can look for help from other people here in Haiti and hopefully get rid of the sores and have her legs healed.  Remember God is our healer, he can do this with or without me.  I'm okay with either.

And last and the most painful one for me where I'm still left confused and honestly still trying to find something praiseworthy of it. Our boys Ricarduo and Richard. We received a call saying Mom has been in the hospital for the last few days and they are not sure whether she is going to live. The hospital has made her leave because she has no money and now she is laying in a church right now waiting to see if her time has come while her boys stay at home with their auntie and have no food to eat. Ricarduo who still needs to gain weight has no food to eat. My emotions are so involved that it scares me to become more involved. The pain of seeing them come and go is too hard to bear, but to know they are hungry is so much more. Is it wrong of me that I didn't rush to be the "rescuer"? I'm asking God why? What? When? Who? Where? I hear nothing.  I need to know that the choices I make in this situation is the one God is telling me to make for myself, for our family, for those boys.

Yes, God is always praiseworthy. And I know in the end I'll understand. So even though I don't understand right now, I'll understand that God is good all the time.

Be in prayer for all these children and so many.

In the Midst

I wish there was an easy way to start this post but I just keep deleting and retrying. I am not sure I can even get the words out clear enough to make you understand. Yesterday was a day of experiencing joy, anxiety, sadness and pain. Yet in all of it came comfort.

I believe for you to even try to understand what it was like yesterday I must be real and share even the parts you may not want to read, but for me it was a reality. It was not hidden from me, it was not hidden from kids and it shouldn't be hidden for you. 

We started our day preparing to bring the boys we care for back home. We were so excited to know that Ricarduo is on the road to recovery and that we can hopefully help educate his mom on how to care for them to assure this won't happen again. Of course this will be a much longer process but it was a start. We had arranged for them to go home for one week and see how things go. We equipped her with things that the boys needed for the week in hopes that over the next week Ricarduo will gain more weight or atleast maintain his week. Our goal is for him not to lose any weight this next week. 

Our first stop of the day was the clinic to have his weekly check in which of course was a success. The kid loves food which means he is gaining back the much needed weight he needs. Yahhhh, everyone is excited and now next stop is bringing them home. 

It's pretty common here in Haiti to see police officers doing some sort of check stop. You really never know what they are looking for and to be completely honest sometimes they are just looking for an easy way to earn some side money. Today was our day for our check stop. I was thinking no problem, you aren't going to get me this time. Chris has his license and our truck has proper up to date license plates. Then came the question. Who's two little boys are these? Our translator explains that we are on our way back to drop the boys off to mom. Then comes the idea... the idea that we kidnapped the children. Wait? What? This is a joke right? Surely you don't think I am kidnapping children while I have my own three children with me with a chance of getting us all in trouble. But Jo-Anne your tattoo is showing which leads them to believe that you are not a good person, because anyone with a tattoo is not good. As this is going on the anxiety starts to kick in and all I know I can do at this point is ask for prayers. And in that moment I ask everyone on my Facebook to pray for us at that moment. It's moments like those where you know you have no control over the situation and the only one who can help is God. It's in the midst that that I know I must control my tongue and watch what comes out of my mouth. 

You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19

                                                        

As we wait to see what is going to happen we are sure that they are waiting for us to offer them money and let us go. Sorry, but not really, these children will not be used as pawns just so you can earn a few extra dollars. In my head, I say book 'em! I wish I could tell you I was joking but I am really not. I was preparing to see my husband and our translator go to jail because I knew if I was to pay them off I wouldn't have been any better than them for using the kids. We eventually are led to the police station and speak to the man in charge. All I hear is Creole Creole Creole, then out of no where he starts speaking the clearest English I have heard a Haitian speak. I wanted to cry in that moment to know that I directly had the opportunity to speak in my language about the situation. It was in that moment that God was at work. After some discussions and lessons learned even if I still question them now we were let go. We learned after leaving that the guy in charge is a Christian and was so clearly in the presence of the Lord to have such grace and understanding for what was happening. 

On the road again we go. I can always tell when we are in Port Au Prince. We go through this busy section of the city where you never know what you are going to see. I like to look out at this part, see what people are selling, what people are wearing or just to see what they are doing in general. We see this group of people standing around this one area, not really doing anything, just standing. I look at the ground where two police are standing and I see a man laying on the ground and i think he looks so peaceful, while I am completely oblivious until I look more clearly and see blood streaming down the road from his head and knowing at the moment I just a dead body. At the moment, the only thought that came to my head was "I wonder if he knew Jesus?" And then it made me sad, to think that this young man was laying out in the open with everyone to see as they past by. It was like he was a nobody, but he is so far from a nobody, we are all so far from being a nobody. 

And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. Ephesians 3:18

Our day continues and we have finally have met with mom and drive her to as close as we can go to her house, which I might add is not close considering she still had a 30 minute walk up a mountain with the boys as there is no motos or vehicles that can go up there. We give all the stuff she needs, we hug and kiss the boys and tell them we will see them next and then we get in the vehicle to leave and all of a sudden my heart is broken. This wasn't suppose to happen, we knew this was going to happen a week prior. I was ready for this, I was excited for this,  I wanted this... I was completely doing this on my own. It took me until just now as I write this and hold back the tears that I did not ask God to be a part of this day. I did not ask him to prepare my heart, I did not ask him to prepare my children who later sobbed that night, I did not ask him to prepare the little boy who watched us drive away and looked completely confused by the whole situation and had a lost look on his face. He brings me to the bible verse:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

I have to trust that in the midst of all these emotions that the Lord is with me. I have lean into Him in this times of confusion. I will never be able to understand this life in Haiti or this life in general and the experiences we have on my own. I must seek Him, seek in everything I do. I need to know that in the midst of everything that goes on no matter the situation that He is right beside me and I can call upon his name. 

A Revolving Door

This week at Bible Study we will digging into Galatians 6 and I know without a doubt that the beginning part is exactly what God is helping me fix in my life. Take a read:

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Galatians 6:1

After reading it, I read it over and over and over again. Especially those last few words... or you may also be tempted.

This rings true so much in my life. I sit and watch people in life sin right before my eyes and I do nothing. Why? Because I am guilty of the same sin. How can one possibly help restore that person from sin when you are doing the exact same thing in your life?

Satan never wastes a fiery dart by aiming at a spot covered by armor. The bullseye is located dead center in our inconsistency. That's where the enemy plans to bring us down.- Beth Moore

Well ain't that the truth! Why would the enemy waste his time trying to destroy you with a sin that he knows he won't succeed at when he knows exactly what your weakness is. And he doesn't just show up with random people to tempt you, he brings those closest to you with him.

This morning my devotions first line was:

This is the time in your life when you must learn to let go. - Jesus Calling

When I think about it, I see a revolving door. It keeps going in a circle of sin, the past, sin, the past. I'll have days and even months when I feel like the door has stopped moving and then out of nowhere I feel it circulating again.

But when does this revolving door close and remain unopened?

I pray that God helps me find the right fitting armor where those darts just drop and that I stand firm. I pray that I also remember that the battle has already been won and that no one can beat my God.

When Problems Are Good!

Normally when people have problems usually causes us to stress. We can't imagine a problem being a good thing. How could having a problem possibly be a good thing? But sometimes  having a problem means we are doing something right.

Currently we have a problem, but we know it's a good problem. As part of our sponsorship program through Boaz Ministries we have additional tutoring for our students. We want them to be able to have that one on one time with a tutor to work on homework and better understand what they are learning in school. For the last couple of months we have being holding our tutoring class in the back house behind where we live. It has been great for us and has worked well. Over the last couple of months we have gone from 1 student to 15 students. With the house being about 15 minutes away from where the students live our transportation is becoming more difficult to transport the students to and from class. We needed a new place. Somewhere closer to home for the students where they can walk to and from class.

 

Here we have a house that has been offered to us to use for the year. It is right in the community where our students come from so no more worries on how to get our students to class. For us to have access to this house we need raise $1000 to pay for rent and be able to buy new desks and chairs for students. We are praying to have this house ready for next week and we need your help. If you can make a donation today to help us cover the cost please visit www.boazministries.com/Haiti

 

 

Do small things with great love -Mother Teresa

Voices

I have a voice.

I can use it.

You have a voice.

You can use it.

He has a voice.

He can use it.... but for him the chances are no one will hear it.

Unless,

We give him that chance.

I live in Haiti and so does he. You reading this might live in Canada and it is my job to use my voice so he can be heard and you have to be that person that listens.

I work with so many teens and even young children who are unable to attend school for many different reasons. Their chance to go to school is taken away from them all because they don't have the money to attend. I listen to their dreams for life but soon those dreams will fade.

I have to use my voice for him, you have to use your voice for him, we have to use our voices so he can use his and knows it is just as important.

Here are two brothers that need sponsoring. They need it so they can go to school, they need it so they can receive a hot meal that just might be their only meal today, they need it so they know they are not forgotten. For $39/mth you are keeping dreams alive. Visit us today at www.boazministries.com

Sadness for Sale!

Please excuse my post that are you about to read but I really must know....

Does Sadness really Sell???

I have become you could say quite frustrated with this thought and I probably have been for quite awhile. But I really need your input on this one, I need to know what you think, I need you to be honest. I won't hold any hard feelings because I can't. I was once there and even some days I still am there.  Maybe I can just see things a bit differently from some of you now because well I am lucky enough to get to see it almost everyday.

Lucky?

You probably wonder why I think I am lucky that I get to see sadness.

Well I do think I am lucky, I am lucky because while some of you may only ever get to see sadness, I get too see what comes after that. I get to see the smile that slowly comes across the 2 years old face when he realizes that you keep coming back to visit and you keep showing him love. I get to see the look on the mom's face when she is told her two children are going back to school after three years of being out. I get to see the look on the boy's faces when they are told they are going to school for the first time.

I guess what is really bothering me is, why do I as a missionary feel obligated to share the sad stories with you to try to make a difference? Would it tug more at your heart to hear that a child only eats once a day than if I were too say excitingly that, that same child eats 2-3 meals a day everyday but I needed your support to make sure it kept going. 

Would you be more willing to help if I told you the way these children live to help get them sponsored to go to school or can I share how awesome this child is and what his dreams are and what he likes to do and not even mention one other thing about him or his family.

I'll be honest I hate sharing sad news. I would rather share all the amazing things that are happening but I'm afraid that by doing that you won't think we need help with our ministry.

So again I end with this and I really do hope to hear your thoughts. Does sadness really sell?

You're Never Too Young

I'm 30 years old and tonight and sit and try to put myself in a place of loss. Not just in a loss of something I will one day forget about, but the loss of parent. Both of my parents are alive, I was raised by them and though my dad worked away from home a lot, I always knew he was coming home. I have no idea what it feels like to lose a parent by death, abandonment or because I couldn't be cared for.

In September of this year our family took in two boys 4 years old and 7 months old. Mom dropped them off with dad and to this day we have no idea where she is. I wonder if she had this planned? I wonder if she just woke up and decided this would be for the best? I wonder what it was like as a mother of two young boys to drop off your children and know that you may just never see them again? These boys suffered one of the greatest losses of life. The loss of their mother.

Dad wanting what's best for his children and knowing he needed help reached out to look for someone to care for his boys even if it meant leaving them at an orphanage. Help was found. Help was about two hours away which meant visits would be rare. Help came and again they suffer another loss. I wonder if the 4 year old thought, Will I ever see my daddy again? What about mommy? I remember looking at him and seeing sadness in his face. He didn't say a word the whole time we talked with dad, he didn't say a word on the drive home, I'm not even sure he said a word until the first night when he slept he woke crying "Papa, Papa." How do you console a crying child when the one person he wants isn't around to comfort him?

Over the next three months we see joy come out of him, he becomes a part of our family. We become Mami and Papi. We teach him to pray before meals, he gives our family kisses before bed, he shows love and compassion to those in our neighborhood, and he even says things you didn't think a 4 year old would think about. Then the day comes for Dad to visit. What a joyous time it was for our little guy to see his Papa, until of course it's time for the visit to end and he realizes Papa is leaving without him. The sadness comes back and the tears flow. That feeling of loss has come back.

Only a few weeks later and it's time. We are excited and our sweet boy is excited. Papa is coming for his boys. It was a day of mixed emotions.

It's visit time to see how the boys are doing. Dad is working out of town, so the boys are staying with someone.  The sadness is back and hearts are broken. The same look I saw on the day we took him home is the same look I see in the pictures Chris shows me of his visit. My heart sinks and I fight back the tears.

As I look at the picture I wonder a few things...

Is he angry with dad?

Is he angry with us?

Does he miss his mommy?

Does he miss our family?

Is he thinking, am I not good enough for anyone?

You may think he is too young to think these things, but when you see through those eyes you can tell he is thinking one or many of these things. He may only be 4 years old but he is not too young to know that this isn't they way it's suppose to be.