That's Not What I Asked For

Prayer...

What a wonderful thing it can be. It can be peace, comfort, and joy. God loves when we come to Him in prayer and ask Him for help. But one thing I am learning about prayer is that it can be very scary at the same time. Sometimes when we go to the Lord in prayer we already have an answer in our minds on how God is going to help us.

Sometimes our answers are not His and now a question for you to ask yourself is are you ready to accept that He just might have a different plan. This plan might not look so good for you, it might seem like a really bad idea at the time and even at other times you might just see someone hurt.

God reminds us though... "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "Any my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Just imagine for a second that God has a better plan than the answer you had for your prayers. I know it's hard to think that He knows best especially when it comes to your life or someone you love dearly.

So when you are thinking that's not what I asked for and asking God why you are going through what you are facing remember you are not alone. He is with you!

Be Still

Last night as I drove to my Book Study it hit me. The question I have been asking God for the past few months was answered. You see a couple of months ago life in Haiti felt unsettling, like something wasn't right. I knew there were problems that needed to be fixed and I asked God for help. I asked God to bring us back to Canada because the things we were facing could only be fixed here. Yet after a few weeks being back I started saying okay God I am ready to go back now. I know that I might think I am ready but I most certainly know that God is not ready for us to go back quite yet.

One my biggest challenges I face is that I am very impatient person. When I think of something that needs to be done, I just automatically assume it should be done right away and be over and done with. Last night as I spoke to God and questioned Him, he reminded me that I wanted this. I wanted to come back to Canada to deal with these things and now what He is asking of me is to Be Still. He has been asking me to just stop and take time for Him. Yes there are things that need to be done but the most important of those things is that I take the time for Him and to just sit and be still in His presence. He wants me to wait for Him. He knows the timing of everything, His time is always perfect.

After my study last night I learned that maybe this is all so hard for me to do is because to do this I need to surrender myself to Him. I need to lay down the fear of what others are thinking while we are here. I constantly feel like I need to justify myself to those around me, almost to reassure them. But if I were to just surrender myself to Him, He will take care of those things for me. I don't need to worry about anything instead I can just pray about everything. (Phil 4:6)

So today as I go about my day, I want to remind myself that anything I feel is challenging me I can just lift it up to Him.  He wants us to take that time with Him. These burdens we have are not too much for Him.

What I Didn't Get To Say

Heavy heart.

Lump in my throat.

Tears falling.

Grief I didn't think would happen has need been brought to me and I'm not quite sure what to do. Earlier tonight I found out that our two boys who we have been caring for, for the past year has lost their mom. She has been fighting a sickness for quite some time and we thought things were looking up until Chris's recent visit where he was told she had taken ill again. To then find out only 2 days later she passed away.

My heart aches to know these two boys and their sister has lost the one parent they had. It hurts to know when will never remember his birth mother and the other two will only have vague memories of her. My heart hurts that I never got to tell some of the things I felt.

I didn't get to thank her for bringing three beautiful children into this world. Though it was hard and there was a lot of pain her love for them is got them this far.

I didn't get to thank her for trusting us to care for her boys when she felt she didn't have a chance to do it herself.

I didn't get to thank her for believing in us when baby boy was sick and needed immediate care that we would be the first one she would call for help.

I wanted to thank her for letting me love her children like they were my own.

I wanted to tell her that we would forever be bonded. Mother to mother.

I needed her to know that no matter what happens in the future she will always be their first mom. She will never be forgotten.

I thank God tonight for releasing this mama of her pain and suffering. I thank God He had a plan for these children and was working in ways we can now only see. I pray as time goes on for healing over the children. I pray they feel loved each and everyday. I pray that one day they can see this situation and praise God for the good that came from it, because it will be good.

Remember... We're Just Like You

So many thoughts going through my head this morning. So many things I want to write about, how do I choose when there is so much to say.

I guess I'll start with letting everyone that I am a human. So are Chris and the kids. We have no superpowers and we make mistakes. We like to do things that regular people do and we live a pretty "normal" life.

I'll be honest though I feel as though some have forgotten that. I feel as though we are looked like foreigners in our own home country. I feel like we have been put on list of what we can and cannot do because of the work we do. I feel as though some think God has given us this magical power because He sent us to Haiti.  I feel as though I live in a world between my home country and my host country and I'm not sure how to get out of the middle.

Would you take a minute to let me explain a few things to let you know we really aren't any different from you.

First, I am a human. I like doing regular things that people here in Canada also enjoy doing. I like reading books, watching t.v, spending time with family and friends, and yes I even love travelling and seeing new places in this world.

My kids love doing regular activities as well. They love playing outside, riding bikes, hanging out with friends and even go swimming. Lucky for us we have beaches all around us and can go all year round. So please remember that even though we live in Haiti, my kids still need to be kids.

Can I be your friend? I love meeting new people but please don't introduce me as Jo-Anne and she's a missionary in Haiti. Jo-Anne will do just fine. I love what God has called me to do but I don't always want that to be a starter when I meet new people and too be honest I don't always want to talk about it. Sometimes I just want to talk about that new movie coming out. I feel as though as soon as new people know what I do I am automatically labelled Weirdo or Hero of the World.

Which then leads me to my calling. Yes I am a Missionary. I am not a Weirdo for selling everything we had and could sell. I am also not a Hero. For those of you that say you are a Christ Follower you should understand that I am just a person obeying God's calling for my life. Some would still say I could never do that. You're right you may never be called to do what I do but remember I may say the same about you and what God has called you to do in your life.

Now about these magic powers God has given us. If being able to walk out your front gate each day and see the faces of poverty and not cry are a magic power then I've got it. But even with it there are days the tears still come. Listen, I do not have magic powers. I have Jesus!

But even with having Jesus, there are days I forget that and there are even days I choose to forget it. Did you know there are days I don't pick up my Bible and read it. There are days I doubt what is going and why it has to happen this way.

So imagine for a quick second me down on my knees begging and telling you " I am not a weirdo, I am not a hero, I am not a super Christian because of what I do, I am just a person who followed my calling and is trying to do my best. And with that I will make mistakes and I will do things you don't agree with."

But just remember, you and I we're both humans, the only difference might be who we're living this life for!

A Letter To My Kids

I want to write a letter to my kids in Haiti for the future because I know one day our relationship will evolve from just seeing each other face to face but connecting on a thing called Facebook.

So here it goes:

First, I wish you could read this before you go any further. There are some things I need you to know. The most important of them all is that I need and hope you know how much I love you. We may have officially became Facebook friends which means you have access to my life in a way you didn't before. But that also means you may see things you never knew were there before, but I hope you'll understand why they are there.

So as you scroll through my pictures you may notice some pictures of yourself that I took and you didn't know. I'm sorry for not telling you, but as you sat and did your homework it was so real. I didn't want to stop and bother you just to smile for another picture. I wanted to share the real moments. Some of those moments are when you're working hard at homework, helping your friend do dishes, playing with your friends, or just laying down on the ground.

I have to admit though my biggest concern is what is said under those pictures. I hope when you read what I have said that you feel my love for you. That you can hear the hope. That you can sense the excitement. That you know you were never just a sad story to me. No dear one, not a sad story but the beginning of one only God could write.

My goal when I share your photo is to bring encouragement to this world. I want to bring love. I want people to know that you are just like them. We all face struggles in this world and just because of where we live should not define who we are. I want people to know how much I believe in you, because I believe God has such an awesome plan for your life. I don't ever want to use your story to my advantage, I want to use your story for God's glory. So I hope that when you see your picture that my words don't disappoint you.

Your Friend,
Jo-Anne

Imagine to Belief

Imagining is almost like dreaming so big you don't even believe it could possibly happen.

We all have those thoughts where these ideas come into our heads and for a minute we believe we have the strength, the ability, the courage to do it. Then that minute is gone and we allow our imagination to stop because we don't actually believe we have any of those things to make it come true. 

I look around at the things of this world and sometimes I imagine...

I imagine if I didn't just spend that $30 to feed my family one meal and instead gave that money to help feed a children in a different country a few meals.

Imagine if instead of trying to attract a group of people we took the time with that one person that God led us too.

Imagine if we stopped thinking we couldn't do something or aren't called to it, we just went and did it anyway? (God may surprise you!)

Imagine if we just put everything down and raised our hands to our Father.

Imagine if we believed that this world is not about us but instead about Him.

Imagine we believed we could make a difference in this world.

Isaiah 55:8 says "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

You see imagining isn't the problem because we will never comprehend what God has planned for us until those times comes and even then we still may not comprehend it. We should imagine these great plans we see but we should also believe that these imagining thoughts we have are so little compared to what God has planned for our lives and the people of this world. 

Reminders

Yesterday God sent me a reminder that Haiti is not only my mission field, and that just because my current location is Canada it does not give me exempt me from ministry. The reality is we are all on a mission field no matter where we live, what our jobs are or who we are. 

Like I said before a part of me just wants to sleep until it's time to return to Haiti but I know I would be hiding so much of Christ's love that needs to be shown. I want God to use me, I want Him to let me be an example of what love is and how to show it.

Looking back to Wednesday morning I knew it had started. As I loaded the shuttle bus for the airport I watched as our driver lugged all our heavy luggage onto the bus and in the midst he had dropped his phone charger and instead of the person in front of me picking it up he just went and took a seat. What a simple task to accomplish but what a inconvenience for others. I wasn't doing it for a thank you when I picked it up, I did it because it was the right thing to do. If I struggle to do that, only imagine how much harder it will be when I need to show love to those I really don't want to show love to. 

Though I've only been back for 3 days I seem to look around with such a different sense. I keep thinking am I showing love or am I making it worse. When you're in a country like Haiti for 8 months straight you come back to a place like Canada and wonder what could I possibly be upset about? Sure those inconveniences will pop up like say needing new brakes in your vehicle and you wondering where the money will come from or noticing that your child's room is missing their closet storage space. But those things are really just minor problems. I'll get over it. 

One thing I might not get over though is the way I treat people. I use to think the only place God was using me was in Haiti. And there is no doubt that He isn't finished with me there yet, but yesterday He reminded me that He once and will use me again here in Canada. 

There was a note on our counter yesterday from a little girl who I watched 2 years ago welcoming us home and saying how happy she was to know we were back and in the note, she stated we were the best people in the world. And though I know that's a bit of an exaggeration it was a reminder to me that He has used me here before and I never even stopped to think or maybe even acknowledge it. 

It was a reminder to me that I am a constant example of who Christ is. And the question is do I want to represent Him well or do I want people to doubt Him and His love for us.